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?What is sexual abuse

The definition of sexual abuse is broad. It includes a range of acts committed against a person without their free, full, and explicit consent.

What is free consent?

  • Given of free will – without fear, threats, social pressure, or manipulation.
  • Informed – both parties understand exactly what they are consenting to.
  • Dynamic – one can change their mind and stop at any stage, even if the activity has already begun.
  • Competent – a minor or a person under the influence of alcohol or drugs, a person with mental or intellectual disability – are often not considered capable of giving legal consent.

Sexual abuse can be perpetrated by a man, a woman, and even by minors, and also between married spouses. It is not only a physical or verbal incident, but a traumatic event that can have long-term psychological, physical, and social consequences for the victim, regardless of the severity of the act.

What is considered sexual abuse?

1. Sexual abuse involving contact

  • Attempted rape or sodomy – attempted penetration of the body without consent (penetration by any organ or object into any organ that can be penetrated).
  • Rape or sodomy – penetration of the body without consent.
  • Prohibited intercourse with consent – intercourse with a minor girl up to age 14 with her consent. Intercourse with a minor girl aged 14-16 with her consent, not within the framework of a dating relationship and when the age difference exceeds 3 years.
  • Indecent act involving contact – sexual contact that does not include penetration, intended for sexual arousal, gratification, or humiliation without consent (caressing, pinching, cornering, etc.).

2. Sexual abuse without contact (including digital space)

  • Extortion –under threats to perform an act of a sexual nature.
  • Indecent act not involving contact – an act intended for sexual arousal, gratification, or humiliation, without consent and without direct contact (exposure of genitals, voyeurism – watching a person performing an intimate act without their knowledge).
  • Publication or distribution of a photograph, film, or
    recording – of a person focusing on their sexuality, without consent.
  • Degrading or humiliating treatment toward a person’s gender or sexuality or toward defects in their body.
  • Repeated treatment focusing on a person’s gender or
    sexuality, or repeated proposals of a sexual nature,     after the person has shown they are not interested in them. Including jokes with sexual innuendo, display of pictures or materials of a sexual nature; statements, looks, or gestures of a sexual nature.
  • In relationships of authority, supervision, and dependence, there is no requirement
    to show lack of consent –     relationships of this type include power imbalances due to age, employment, therapist-patient relationships, teacher-student, mentor-mentee, leader-community member.

3. Prostitution offenses

    • Trafficking for prostitution, pimping for prostitution, bringing about a one-time or ongoing act of prostitution.
    • Advertising prostitution services.
    • Renting a place used for prostitution, being present in a place used for prostitution.
    • Consuming prostitution services.

Non-normative sexual orientation, expressed in various forms: pedophilia (primary or exclusive sexual attraction of an adult to children); hebephilia and ephebophilia (primary or exclusive sexual attraction of an adult to adolescents); voyeurism (urge to watch a naked person without their knowledge or consent); exhibitionism (public nudity); frotteurism (sexual gratification resulting from touching or rubbing against someone who does not consent, usually in crowded public places); fetishism (sexual gratification through objects); transvestism; sadism, masochism, and more.

Effective treatment that helps control urges and manage a safe lifestyle combines medication with cognitive-behavioral tools, correction of cognitive distortions, identification of triggers and risk situations, impulse control and safe lifestyle management, and training in displaying empathy toward the victim.

How do you deal with such an orientation in a believing person? What should the organization’s leadership do in such a case? Additional information on this topic can be found in the Migdalor kit.

The data below reflect the situation in general society and not in the body of Messiah. But from our experience, and unfortunately, the picture in the body of Messiah is similar.

One possible explanation for this we found in the words of a convicted sex offender (in the USA) who admitted in a moment of honesty: “I treated the church members as fools… because of their faith in Yeshua they believe people… they want to believe that every person is good.” This happened in the USA, but as mentioned, the situation in Israel is not different.

The following data are accurate for the year 2020 and are taken from databases of sexual assault and harassment support centers:

Every year, approximately 84,000 women are sexually assaulted and harassed. This is an average of 230 sexual assaults per day.

One in three women will be harmed during her lifetime in the sexual sphere, and one in five women will be raped or experience an attempted rape.

85% of the women incarcerated in the only women’s prison in the country, “Neve Tirza,” have experienced sexual abuse.

One in five girls will be sexually abused in her childhood. By age 16, more than 18% of girls will be sexually assaulted. For half of those abused in childhood, it is ongoing abuse. One in seven girls will be abused within the family (incest), and over 85% of all sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim (family members, friends, employers, colleagues, authority figures).

Up to age 12, the rate of boys who are sexually abused is identical to the rate of girls. But even at later ages, the gap is not large.
Approximately 20% of complaints about sex offenses that reach the police deal with sexual abuse of boys, youth, and men. However, it should be noted that only 10% of sexual assaults are reported to authorities.

The Body of Messiah in Israel is not recognized by the authorities as an official institution, and therefore it is not obligated to collect statistical data and report on it.

When you add to this the fact that it is a relatively small body, where almost everyone knows everyone, the possibility of collecting local information is eliminated. Therefore, we have no choice but to turn to the Christian world in the West and examine the data collected there. Even if they do not provide an accurate picture of the situation in Israel, they clarify the severity of the situation among believers.

Research that examined the extent of sexual harassment among children shows that throughout his entire life, a pedophile will harm an average of 12 children and commit approximately 71 abusive acts.

561 American sex offenders committed approximately 291,000 sex offenses against approximately 195,000 victims. In most cases, only about 3% of these sex offenders are caught.

And here is another shocking statistic from another study conducted among sex offenders. Each of them admitted to harming at least 10 people; among them are those who harmed approximately 1,250 people before being arrested! The study revealed another distressing finding: it turns out that at some point, someone reported each of those interviewed offenders to the authorities, but the initial complaints were not handled.

Research that examined the situation in American communities between 1982-2014 shows that the vast majority of sex offenders (98.8%) are men.

Their age range at the time of the sexual abuse ranged from 18-88 years. Most of them (80.1%) served in one official role or another in their community, especially as pastors. The rest served in various roles on a voluntary basis.

When examining the situation among female sex offenders, it is found that 75% of them worked with youth in the community and 25% were married to pastors.

As of 2008, in an average church in the USA (numbering approximately 400 members, with 60% being women) – seven women on average were sexually harassed each year at one level or another by one of the leaders.

In 2011, approximately 51% of pastors reported that pornography is a temptation for them. More than 30% admitted they are addicted to pornography. 20% of all inquiries to the pastoral care department for pastors at Focus on the Family dealt with inappropriate sexual behavior or pornography addiction.

10%-14% of pastors admitted that they had sexual contact with someone other than their spouse while serving in their role.

A 2011 survey of 6,000 Methodists shows that approximately 50% of women in churches and approximately 33% of men witnessed sexual harassment (or were harmed themselves) by other members of the community, ranging from offensive comments by leaders to voyeurism and physical assault.

The following data are taken from research conducted in the USA in 2015, which examined 280 victims of sexual assault:

65% of the victims were married at the time of the assault. 88% of the offenders were married, but only 4% of them were prosecuted. And although we do not have data regarding the situation in Israel, one can infer from the ridiculously small number of sex offenders thrown in prison that the Body of Messiah cannot rely solely on the treatment offered by the authorities in this matter. We are called to serve as a source of light in this world, and therefore we must take greater responsibility in the dark area of sexual abuse.

From that 2015 study, it emerges that 80% of the victims stated that the church leadership’s handling of the complaint negatively affected their relationship with God. Only 7% reported that the church had proper policy on the matter and that they received the necessary support. Only 15% said their church investigated the complaint.

Consequences in the lives of victims

Sexual abuse shatters the victim’s soul and deeply damages her quality of life. The consequences manifest in a wide range of symptoms that vary from victim to victim. Some express their distress openly (for example, through sexually uninhibited behavior, self-harm, or extreme changes in outward appearance). Other victims choose instead to hide their distress. Outwardly they function well, when in fact it is a desperate attempt to convey that everything is fine so that those around them will not notice their pain. Beneath the surface, almost all victims suffer to one degree or another from eating and sleep disorders, chronic fatigue, breathing difficulties, increased muscle tension, involuntary tremors, and problems with sexual functioning.

Therefore, a correct and rapid response is of utmost importance. Appropriate attention and treatment as soon as possible after the abuse can spare the victim additional harm (secondary trauma) caused by insensitivity or silencing. The sooner the initial abuse is treated, the greater the chance of significantly reducing the intensity of the symptoms and preventing them from becoming PTSD – post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

PTSD places the victim in a state of constant alertness and vigilance, anticipating the next danger and expecting the trauma to repeat itself. Any stimulus that recalls the assault or the abuser can trigger severe psychological distress and bring back the memory with full force, as if the abuse is happening again at that very moment.

To avoid repeated pain, most victims invest enormous effort in trying to avoid anything that might remind them of the assault. Gradually they narrow their living space, engage only in what is essential, and avoid social involvement and relationships with others. Such a restricted routine has clear and painful consequences for family life, marital relationships, the ability to study and work, and parental functioning.

In more severe cases, the experience of abuse is accompanied by periods of dissociation, a constant sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, impurity, obsessive preoccupation with the abuser (thoughts of revenge, for example), and even deep despair and loss of faith.

In summary, sexual abuse is an earthquake that shakes every area of the victim’s life. The symptoms may be visible or hidden from view, but the suffering is real and deep. A correct response, containment, and treatment in real time are essential. They not only prevent secondary trauma but are a decisive factor in the victim’s ability to process the abuse and recover.

The statistics point to a painful fact. In the vast majority of cases (approximately 90%), the abuse is perpetrated by someone the children know, not by a stranger. Young children naturally struggle to report abuse. Some are not even able to define it as such. There are children who believe that this is how things are conducted in all homes, that this is the way adults express love. Some experience the sexual contact as something pleasant, which creates enormous emotional and psychological confusion in the child (and also in adults).

According to the mandatory reporting law, anyone engaged in education or treatment is required to report immediately to the police or to a welfare officer any reasonable suspicion of harm to a minor. This obligation applies equally to our communities and organizations – anyone who serves or works in these settings with children and youth is legally required to report any such suspicion to the authorities!

Warning signs that may indicate abuse

Early identification is extremely important. Here is a (partial) list of signs that require special attention in children and adolescents:

Sudden and persistent changes in behavior, academic ability, and social relationships. In cases of ongoing abuse, children may exhibit over-functioning in an attempt to hide the pain. This is worth noting, but one should also examine situations of withdrawal and social isolation –

Do they avoid hosting and visiting friends? Are they isolating themselves or do they have external support systems?

Emotional storms – unexplained anxiety attacks, withdrawal, tendency toward depression, low self-image, unusual dependence on adults, or exaggerated attempts to control the environment. In extreme situations, suicidal thoughts or a tendency toward self-harm may emerge.

Avoidance of experiences and changes in appearance – recoiling from new experiences, sudden attention and concentration difficulties, daydreaming, fits of rage, avoidance of physical contact or sports activity, recoiling from clothing that exposes body parts, or sharp and unexplained changes in clothing style and outward appearance.

Abnormal sexual behavior – advanced sexual knowledge relative to age or patterns of sexual behavior that do not match the developmental stage.

Physical symptoms – eating disorders, sleep difficulties, frequent headaches or stomachaches, bedwetting, recurrent urinary tract or rectal infections, unexplained signs of injury. Such symptoms require medical investigation and immediate treatment.

Important: The absence of such signs does not rule out sexual abuse. If a complaint or suspicion of abuse has been brought to your attention, it must be taken seriously and examined thoroughly, even if you do not see visible warning signs.

Sexual abuse has wide-ranging consequences. Poor handling by the organization or community will exact a heavy price not only from the victim but also from her family members and circle of friends. They will identify with her trauma and be filled with frustration when they encounter loss of control and injustice.

The community itself will also be harmed by poor handling or whitewashing of the facts. Community members may become disillusioned with the leadership and see it as a corrupt or hypocritical body. The crisis of trust will lead to division and the formation of opposing camps – those who believe the victim versus those who defend the abuser. Unfortunately, many communities choose to silence the story or side with the abuser, perhaps because on the surface such a solution appears to involve less effort. Standing with the victim requires taking responsibility and investing emotional and organizational resources, and not every community or organization is willing or able to take on the task.

But in the long term, such conduct has devastating spiritual consequences. Poor handling can create a deep spiritual fracture among community members or workers, and even cause some of them to turn their backs on faith itself. When the community turns its back on one victim, it sends a clear and deterring message to other victims, and the chance that they will dare to seek help approaches zero.

In contrast, a community that chooses to handle sexual abuse with courage, sensitivity, and professionalism becomes a safe and protected space. Such conduct encourages other victims to seek help and conveys a clear message: there is a warm home here, there are those who see you, and in times of trouble – you will receive the protection and care you need.

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